幽默的内在根源不是欢乐，而是悲哀;天堂里是没有幽默的。旧书不厌百回读，熟读精思子自知，这里是可爱的小编阿青帮大家收集整理的7篇英语幽默小短文的相关文章，希望大家能够喜欢。
Friend for Dinner "Honey," said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one.
Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"
To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
A party of visitors were being shown round a lunatic asylum. They came across one individual in the grounds, with wild eyes, dishevelled hair, feverishly endeavouring to catch flies and keep them in his pocket.
His was a sad case, said the attendant. Whilst he was at the war his wife abandoned his home and ran off with another man.
Terrible, said a visitor.
Presently they came to a padded cell, in which could be heard a raging as of a wild beast.
That's the other man, said the attendant.
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. a woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "pig!！"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "witch!！"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
if only men would listen.
For her 82nd birthday，I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President. （Upon request，this service is available to seniors over 80.）When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House，she had a ready answer. "There's no privacy in this country any more,"she said. "They even keep track of your birthday. "
我奶奶过82岁的生日时，我送给她一份惊奇的礼物—一张由总统签名的'生日贺卡。（根据规定，80岁以上的老年人可得到此项服务。）当我问奶奶收到来自白宫的贺卡有何感想时，她毫不犹豫地回答说:“在这个国家，再也没有隐私了，他们就连你的生日都追踪着。”
My husband,Michael,a bus driver,was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.
After a minute,Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly. He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass,he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped."My mother's coming.”
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and.。." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"